If I had a dollar, or even a dime for every web page that mentioned or quoted me or my works, I’d be a millionaire: 12 million pages can’t all be wrong; people repeat what I say. Where else but America can you become ‘famous’ for putting your foot in your mouth on a regular basis?
by H. Michael Sweeney proparanoid.wordpress.com proparanoid.net facebook
copyright © 2016, all rights reserved. Permission to repost hereby granted provided entire post with all links in tact, including this notice and byline, are included. Please comment any such repost to original posting.
What you will get by reading this post…
• Silly quotable one liners, gags, and full-on original jokes;
• witty quotable witticisms, wise sayings, criticisms, and other malarky;
• non PC quotable political snipes, barbs, and ruthless rhetoric;
• thoughtful quotable philosophical wisdoms, advice, and beatitudes.
My most popular writing today has been copied by permission on hundreds of Web sites, and reproduced in at least a half dozen books. So I know I’m quoted out there. It is even used in college courses on Political Science, Journalism, and Psychology. It’s called the 25 Rules of Disinformation, and includes not just how to spot disinfo, but how to out it and defeat the user in public or private venue.
This post is (mostly) a collection of my most popular Facebook posts. People generally like them, unless on the wrong end of the barb. Even then, the resulting dialogs have been interesting, and we tend to remain friends. But most people on Facebook do not ‘go looking’ for something to read, they let Facebook automatically send them random samplings in their ‘feed.’ It is really best to FOLLOW someone you like (also true of my blog posts); the only way to insure you see everything a given person posts (or blogs), is to follow them (subscribe — click that option now, while you are thinking about it.)
So, even if already a Facebook friend, it is highly unlikely you will have seen very many of what follows: a random grab bag of quotable material. Now, if you do actually choose to quote me, please do cite me as the source, and link either to this blog Page or the whole Site, or my Facebook page. New friends are welcome there, of course. You can quote me on that!
Quote on!
You May Wish to Quote Me (I do it all the time)~
If I had a dollar, or even a dime for every web page that mentioned or quoted me or my works, I’d be a millionaire: 12 million pages can’t all be wrong; people like what I say. Where else but America can you become ‘famous’ for putting your foot in your mouth on a regular basis?~
You may have noticed that I’m imminently quotable by the way I continually quote myself, because after all, “I’m imminently quotable.”~
The only good thing about putting my foot in my mouth so often is that I always know if my shoelaces are tied, or knot.~
T’was an LL Cool Day
(apologies to LL Cool J)
I saw an Armadillo while visiting Amarillo;
he sat near a willow, upon a satin pillow.
In the sun, bright yellow, this reclining fellow
seemed to be quite mellow, eating a bowl of Jello
while listening to a fellow who played a loud Cello.
Were I to say hello, I feared I must such bellow;
that seemed such a peccadillo, I ne’er met that Armadillo
If Google spies on your searches, shouldn’t their name be Goggle?
If Yahoo does, Youwho?
If Facebook tracks your info, Factlook?
If YouTube censors excessively and politically, LubeRube?
If television is propaganda, Tellyourmission?
If a newspaper is the same, Newsfaker?
If the Oval Office is a source of lies and skullduggery, the Shovel Orrafice?~
From conversation agent.typepad.com (click for their similar answer to meaning of life)
The meaning of Life? To take all gifts entrusted to you by God; Free Will, life, and the Soul which defines the inner you, and the gifts you earn through life; knowledge, talent, skills, wealth and possessions, experiences and positions… to edify yourself, edify others (family, those above you, your peers, and strangers), and above all, edify God in the doing. This is true Glory, and the source of Blessings.
To the extent you do this, you yourself fabricate that meaning. To the extent you fail to do so, you dilute or even destroy it. Any faults or failures you have along the way are challenges in learning, and otherwise non sequitur to the equation. This is true Faith, and the source of Happiness.
Don’t focus on them, learn from them, and go on. You are what you’ve been waiting for, all along. Stop looking so hard for simple answers, and stop struggling so hard against battles predestined to be won by the righteous. If God be for you, who can be against you? This is the true foundation of Peace, and the source of Strength.
The meaning of life, is YOU, and I’m glad you have friended me. As I wish for me, so I wish for you. Thank you for sharing this Sunday with me.~
Wisdom is sometimes knowing how to seem wise without anyone’s means to challenge. After struggling to the top of the mountain to ask my one-allowed question of the Guru, he preempted with an answer: “Yes, my Son,” he said, “you have at last made it to the top. Now leave me in peace.”~
I wonder if Pavlov’s Dog’s got that way eating Pavlum? Probably not, it wouldn’t make me salivate.~
You know your’e an alcoholic and an unpleasant drunk if people invite you to their parties the day after, and you are so sloshed you think you just got back from it.~
I’m sorry, but I think I misunderstood what you wanted me to consider about what you probably meant by saying what you thought I would be able to relate to as allegory to the intended thought you had in mind, but couldn’t articulate because you were afraid I would misconstrue it as something else. What were we talking about, again?~
A dirty joke is to humor in a way exactly like the Presidential election is to politics.~
Rain falls in drops because it’s happy water. When it’s mad, watch out for hail.~
Old Crow
Oh, old Crow, so cautious and suspicious,
not like the Goose, who’s calm with aplomb,
your caw is such an appalling loud calling,
unlike parakeets most cheerful earful,
or eagle’s shrill cry from high in the sky.
Your old black cloak does fail to evoke
the visual delight of a Parrot, so bright.
You walk with a hobble and a wobble,
where a Robin bounces and pounces,
and the Stork is stilted and often is tilted.
And though your flight is quite alright,
it’s not as stunning as a Bird, Humming.
Lacking the Hawk’s glide so full of pride,
sans any formation of Geese’ inclination,
nor is it as swift as can be a quick Swift.
Your Murder is a suspect some fear to detect,
and yet, I suspicion, it’s all mere superstition.
Yet do not away rush, my criticisms to hush:
let not any objection be seen as a rejection;
I do like you old Crow, so brag on, and crow.
Escape
To escape vile fate I must get past that damned wall;
because if staying here, I’ll not likely survive it at all.
I tried to climb upon it, up high, no good, then higher,
only to find it topped with wickedly sharp razor wire.
I tried to go around it, hoping an opening I would find,
but it surrounds me completely, and I’m trapped inside.
I tried to dig under, tunneling deep, deep underground
but impassable boulders and water did me confound.
To escape my foe I must get past that heartless wall;
I’ve no choice; to give up certainly means my downfall.
I’ve asked for help from all near who might could hear,
they refuse to give aid, yielding to their own dark fear.
I’ve prayed to God to help, to redeem and set me free,
but I’m afraid in here, even He can’t hear me or see.
Then came a gentle voice advising firmly to be still,
“I’m with you always, as is my gift of strong Free Will.
To escape your foe, you must get past that mere wall,
and there is yet one thing you’ve not tied, not at all.”
My thoughts reeled, and the answer came in a flash,
I’d not yet tried attacking head on, the wall to crash.
I gathered my courage and backed up for a good run,
and ran headlong screaming at the top of my lung.
I hit that wall with all my brute force, and hit it hard:
knocking myself unconscious right there in that yard.
To escape my foe, I’ve tried it all, to get past the evil wall;
but nothing has for me worked, no not one, nothing at all.
I awoke quite dazed, my fist clinched in pain and my rage,
the voice had not well helped me, its advice was not sage.
But regaining my feet, a white robed figure there stood tall,
amid the rubble of that same accursed, impassable wall.
“You’ve escaped your foe,” said he, “right through the wall;
not by your strength, nor luck, but that on me you did call.
The miracle you sought was within you right from the start,
your faith in me was all it took; and abiding love in your heart.
If God be for you, no man or thing against you can stand,
when you hit that wall, I was there with you, hand in hand.”
Sorry if I insult you. Being poor, I have to go for the cheap shots.~
Any man can toast his friends at the tavern. But a brave man toasts his enemies. That’s why I always carry a can of lighter fluid when I go drinking.~
I never quite chimed in with the 60’s by wearing bell bottom pants – until I got kicked in the groin.~
I’m never inclined to eat carrots. I just can’t see my way to do so.~
Linear or Columnar?
A rhythmic rhyme in a single line is often quite fine.
but most like a rhyme
to be of many a line,
or to metrically align;
be symmetrically sublime,
or perhaps its just fine
to enjoy any old rhyme.
X
Political Risk
I’ll not vote for she who does cackle
when refusing a tough query to tackle.
While not happy with alternative Trump,
he’s still better than a kick in the rump.
While Dems are OK with criminal lies,
and Establishment Reps swarm like flies,
a candidate ripe for an email blackmail
risks a serious national security fail.
A lot of drinks call for two fingers of this or that liquor, so I always look for bartenders with really big hands.~
The path to illumination in the darkness is called a sidewalk.~
Political Seuss
I do not like this Uncle Sam, I do not like the health care scam.
I do not like these dirty crooks, or how they lie and cook the books!
I do not like when Congress steals, I do not like their secret deals.
I do not like this speaker Nan, I do not like this ‘YES WE CAN’.
I do not like this spending spree, I’m smart, I know that Nothing’s Free!
I do not like their smug replies, when I complain about their lies.
I do not like this kind of hope. I do not like it. nope, nope, nope!
There are rarely times when ‘actual’ sex is as good as ‘fantasy’ sex is imagined. However, they both involve a little ‘t’ & ‘a.’~
The only ‘gun control’ I support is that question in the mind of the criminal intent on causing trouble, “Will he remain in control of his fear or temper, or will he pull the trigger.”~
Politic’s Ticks
If Trump is such a chump we’d rather dump,
and Uncle Bernie is ample wormy and too squirmy,
and Hillary far too shrillery under FBI drillery,
with liberally bias in the press giving truth no redress…
Does that mean Biden is bid’n his tim’n in decid’n if rid’n
White Knight like last minute to the Demo’s pandemic…
Is that how we’ll be decid’n who’s presidential presid’n?
Is that Obama’s last prick on his way out, his hat trick?
That I won’t at all be abid’n, down too far we’ve been slid’n.
Doing
Yes, wine is quite fine when you have the time, or dine,
but weed has more speed if you have the need; do proceed.
The joke for this bloke is that I cannot smoke, nor toke,
and shrink from such drink – an alchoholic’s dread; brink of stink.
Dope lacks hope that I’ll survive or cope its scope,
so here’s my fears (why I’m lacking cheers amid tears):
this guy will die having never daring a high to try.
That hex did vex untill realizing that the Rx is sex!~
Never hiss at a snake; the conversation could be deadly.~
Perplexity
Do you know anything of the Entymology of Entomology,
or is it to you as confusing as the synopsis of synapsis?
Hillary’s Ruin
(What difference does it make?)
As I have previously stated,
I am quite totally devastated
not to have been reinstated.
I have frequently formulated
and as often have postulated
just why I’m not yet reinstated.
The cause, you see, is equated
with rumors and lies oft related
to prevent my being reinstated.
They shout with glee, as if elated
with prideful egos thus elevated,
for blocking my being reinstated.
They say my claims are overrated,
to a job where I ne’er participated,
and that’s why I can’t be reinstated.
If people died while I simply waited,
shown in lies and emails evaluated,
what difference to being reinstated?
My right, you see, as Royal rated
is for all to worship me unabated,
and vote to have me reinstated.
Never apologize to me for being you. Just stop it!~
Why do some of us eat the icing out of the middle of an Oreo? Where else would it be?~
Seasonal Orb
I saw last night the thinnest sliver of a silver Moon,
a most pleasant crescent, present this month of June.
So thin that it did quiver and thus scant light deliver,
did I realize before my eyes it would dematerialize.
Now its gone, but before too long, watching for its rise,
to my boon:
it shall return soon, as a mirror sliver Moon.
Rhyme Defined
A simple rhyme takes little time,
a light banter with good cantor –
best if exquisite, expressed explicit;
easy to recall in its all and all.
In A Rush
Here”s a quick li’l poem:
done now, I’ll be goin’.
What’s wrong with the Mayor of New York, does he not know his soda ban and tax is suppressing Pop Culture?~
Unfortunately for Custer, at least 10 Little Indians never heard that song.~
Time Tells No Tales
Once upon a time? No, I’m highly suspicious.
If it only happened once, it must be fictitious,
especially if remarkably good and not malicious:
Real events repeat themselves through history,
written down in pages for study by you and me,
where learning not, we assure repeat eventuality.
X
Dear Fascists
Take heed, look around: here stand I, I stand my ground.
Never again will I back away, here I stand, and here I’ll stay.
Your words will not sway me, no dark threats dissuade me.
Take heed, look around. Here stand I, I stand my ground.
Never again will I back away, here I stand, and here I’ll stay.
No trick or lies, nor treachery will keep me from remaining free.
No unjust laws, cops or military will I respect, still shall I tarry.
Take heed, look around: here stand I, I stand my ground.
Never again will I back away, here I stand, and here I’ll stay.
Surround me with vile forces, I’ll ignore their foul loud voices.
Dare attack me if you will, I’ll reply ten fold until my body’s still.
Take heed, look around: here stand I, I stand my ground.
Never again will I back away, here I stand, and here I’ll stay.
They say the Earth’s rotation is slowing down. I have a simple cure. We all get in our cars and face them West, and synchronize burning rubber.~
Status Quo: Latin for we want you to think things are equal and as they should be so you
will shut up and do what you are told.
Parity: French for we want you to think things are the same and as they should be so you
will shut up and do what you are told.
Equality: Ye olde English for we want you to think things are the same and as they should
be so you will shut up and do what you are told.
Same: what we mean when we are talking about one political party compared to another,
those people who want us to shut up and do what we are told.
X
I thought of a Hillaryous joke, but I don’t want to keep insulting Democrats.~
Social Litmus
Do my witticisms impress you or simply depress you?
Do my jokes make you laugh or think me some Jackass?
Do my poems seem lyrical or are they just predictable?
Do my posts give enlightenment, or seem closer to excrement?
Do you share, like, and follow, or is our friendship just hollow?
X
Smart by Default
Any wisdom I have lies in taking some care
in choosing the friends with whom I will share.
If smarter than me I will make them aware:
I agree with them, and with flattering flair.
If not as smart, then will I then declare,
their inspiring thoughts lead me to dare.
A tack pins things down, while pins prick things deeply, but a prick is always tacky, hard to pin down, offending deeply.~
Time for me to post-a-joke. Invented by a stand-up comic, it’s like a Post-it Pad, without any glue to hold it together — so it’s insanely presented in unexpected ways, and it is colorless, unless fucking off color or borrows the color of a racial inference. Wait… that’s a political speech.~
I think I understand the term ‘feedback loop,’ now: GMO crops.~
Shoot first and ask questions later. It saves dialog and you don’t get ambiguous answers… if there are any answers.~
Being Outspoken
I’m the first to admit I know so much about everything,
an expert assumed, presumed, or claimed unrelenting.
In truth it seems, I know not enough on any one thing,
to avoid putting my foot in my mouth without realizing.
X
Your Bad, So Sad. My Bad, And Glad
If you insult me, let me be quite perfectly clear,
you’d better be right in your basis, my dear,
because logic, facts, and reason, you’ll hear,
the weapons my response will burn in your ear.
Excuse me if I’m less than politically correct,
but especially if trying to point out your defect,
you have no legal right to avoid being upset
by my Free Speech, you fucking dumb idiot.
I’m not going to post anything useful, today. I hope this heads up proves useful. Doh!~
I get rejected a lot by the ladies. I asked one gal if she would like to go out on a double date, and she said “Sure. How about Judgement Day, and the Day after.”~
Hurry, hurry, hurry! Step right up folks, and get your fresh posts, right here, right now. Only $1, five for $3, and a surprise in every one, guaranteed, or your money back. Don’t be misled by the competitor’s claims; they only post kitties and slogans, and complaints that no one comments. Hurry, hurry, hurry!~
My Prayer today, is for you. There is nothing better than other people praying for you, especially if praying WITH you. We’re not getting older, just getting closer to home! Be Still, and at peace. Now, it is true that the Lord’s Prayer is quite sufficient and complete to God, but sometimes, we feel we want to say more. That is good with God.
May I suggest the prayer below? If ye pray it as you read, it is the same as if we have done so together; Matthew 18:19 “And I tell you more: whenever two of you on earth agree about anything you pray for, it will be done for you by my Father in heaven.” All that is required is that the prayer be righteous and fitting to God’s Will, which is defined to the extent we are able to determine in his Word. If we do not vary from that, we are apt to receive that which we NEED, if not that which we THINK we need and seek by prayer (be careful what and how you ask for [it].) Begin:
Heavenly Father, thank You for each and every day; today is a Day the Lord hath made, we rejoice and are glad in it, for You have blessed us here on earth yet again. Thank You for Your tender mercies of your Grace, and the gift of life and of Free Will, which lead us through the day; may we not abuse these gifts and offend You. Thank You for giving us family and friends to share the joys and burdens of the day. I ask You to bless my family, relatives and friends and those I care deeply for, and those who are reading this right now, especially those who are suffering and in need of your intervention.
Where there is joy, give them continued joy. Where there is pain, give them peace and mercy. Where there is self-doubt or confusion, release a renewed confidence and understanding. Where there is need, fulfill their needs. Move them to study your Word, to strengthen their faith and embrace the Gospel, and to be moved thereby to spread the Word. Bless their families, homes, finances, their goings and their comings, and turn aside their enemies in forgiveness, which is to our good as well as our enemy’s good.
Above all else, may Your Will be done, in Jesus’ name,~
If Istanbul used to be Contstantinople, does that mean they got tired of constantly being in Ople, wherever that is?~
Just because I disagree with you does not mean I don’t like you. I hate everyone equally.~
A conspiracy unfolding is like a barrage of arrows in the dark. You hear evidence that something is not right, but don’t don’t get the point until it is too late. Worse, you also get the shaft.~
Desperate Conclusion
My mind, not very clear right now, so
writing some clever rhyming ditty? No.
But I know some of you like that stuff…
So there’s only one question:
Is this good enough?
Good example of a self-fulfilling prophesy: “I’m going to enter the hot dog eating contest.”~
It must be true that you are what you eat. I live on $3 a day in food, and one look at me and you will know, I’m a cheapskate.~
Why do they call it an aptitude test? Because if you have to take one, you are apt to detest it.~
You will note I don’t call people who don’t agree with me bad names. That’s because the bastards have thick skins.~
Digital Death
My computer is dying now of old age,
and while buying a new one is truly sage,
and newer models are quite all the rage,
there’s nothing but zeros on the last page
of my checkbook; no income at my age.
My mouse is destined for the round cage,
unless comes a miracle or magical Mage.
X
Enchanting
A chant can be a kind of moving song,
easily remembered for singing along.
A chant can be a loud and angry jeer,
prompting attention, worry, and fear.
A chant might be for someone; a call,
for entertainers or leaders loved by all.
A chant gives power to thought and word,
assuring its message is clearly heard.
But a chant by Monks is the best to hear,
binding us to God and drawing Him near.
If I have a Colon for which I might need a Colonoscopy, and use :s and ;s in a similar manner all the time when I write, why can’t I get a Semicolonoscopy, and save some money?~
Lately, I’ve been thinking of taking a plane somewhere to improve my sex life. It won’t matter where, I just going through TSA will do the trick.~
OK, time for me to say something funny. But that would be deja vu.~
The next time you hear some wimpy Liberal whining about some perceived micro aggression, say to them, “To quote an oft used line in The Princess Bride, my little precious Princess… ‘I do not think you know what these words mean.” Then slug them in the mouth and say, “You cannot ‘micro’ that; there would be no point.”~
Since I’m left handed, I never need a Compass; I just use my southpaw.~
Since there is no longer rule of law in this country in high places, such that no one in government is held accountable, and the very laws they write are themselves violations of law (unconstitutional), and government itself is the biggest criminal… I reserve the right to violate ANY law at ANY time for ANY reason.
My authority is the Constitution, my basis the Pursuit of Happiness declared therein, my means is Civil Disobedience, my support is the Second Amendment, my argument the First Amendment, and my goal is the Redress guaranteed therein. I rest my case, and those who choose to oppose me may rest in peace, if that be their choice. No appointment needed.~
X
An election process is like a stale fast-food hamburger. On the outside it looks big and besprinkled with seeds of wisdom. On the inside are secret conspiratorial sauces and lies about quality and quantity of substance, and wilted vegetable-like promises. Do you want fries with that? Cold, greasy, and slimy press coverage.~
Never wander around in the dark. That would be you watching TV ‘news.’~
When people talk about shooting at dummy targets, are they hinting at politicians?
Is that why you never see politicians at a gun shop or shooting range?~
I encourage free speech. And, I own the concession on ear plugs in the District of Columbia.~
Cat got your tongue? I don’t know how you can stand there so silently, I know I’d be screaming; that’s got to hurt like hell.~
PC Friends?
Politically Correct is not for me, my friend,
the 1st Amendment says I’m free to offend.
My words, ideas and actions do not pretend,
that you’ve no right against them to defend;
just do so to my face with honor and it will end
with agreement or no, but still friend to friend.
X
Waiver Not
Never Opt for signing a waiver,
never waiver in copping a sign;
raising up high a middle finger,
rather than your rights to resign.
X
Prosthetic Prose
Prose is prone to rhyme in a rhythm so quaint,
but to intone it sublime; a sure given it aint’
Alien observer’s notebook: Man is a lousy Plumber. He must think the Ocean is impure because he keeps trying to filter out the fish with giant mesh filters. Silly creature. When that doesn’t work, he drills holes in the Ocean floor to drain the water out.~
Someone said I might should listen to Meatloaf on CD. I don’t get it. As soon as I put a slice on the CD, it stopped sizzling and I couldn’t hear a thing.~
Does the FCC really know what they are doing? I find myself waking up to AM Radio, so I know what they mean when they say ‘Morning Radio.’ But while I can find an FM station, I can never seem to find a PM station. They need someone from the NyQuil folks to run the outfit, I think.~
The answer to the age old riddle: what came first, the Chicken, or the Egg? Answer: neither; it was the Rooster. (surely, someone else said this somewhere, sometime earlier)~
I must be a looser. There was this gal I liked who always bought fresh produce. But when I got fresh, she just slapped my face.~
Big Enough
To big to fail cost you and me,
for bailouts, and lost property.
To big to nail, cost prohibitively
the national debt ridiculous, be.
To big to jail cost you and me,
for hall passes for Mz Hillary.
To small to hail, just you and me,
our vote has no voice collectively.
X
It’s It
Time to offer up a bit of wit.
Something funny to any Brit?
Are you worried just a we bit
about a future Brexit bad sit?
Afraid there’s no way out of it;
to escape a daily diet of shit,
Mushrooms often get slit and bit.
X
Falling Sky
Chicken Little a warning did brae,
none believed in what he did say.
Many long years since passed away,
we still refuse to believe him today.
Yet Planet X and Wormwood obey
God’s Will and ARE heading our way.
The moral to me seems thus to say:
good Chicken Littles should now pray;
for it is written, “None knows the Day,”
I never did well in Science Class. I still don’t know the conversion factors between celsius, farenheit, and college degrees.~
Hillary avoids Potatos and Corn. She knows they have eyes and ears and might testify.~
Gmail just informed me my folder :”Hate Mail” is full. Half of it is from Democrats, and half from Republicans. The difference is, the Republicans tell me exactly why they don’t like me, and the Democrats only tell me how they feel.~
Taxes are a fiction, just as are the wages taxed; when the dollar is nothing but an I.O.U., you never really get paid, and so, you can never really be taxed or pay taxes, either. Credit and Bank Loans are a also a fiction, just as are the checks (also I.O.U.s) used in obtaining the loan or repaying it – and the bank didn’t even have the money to loan in the first place (allowed to loan up to 20 times their bank deposits). We just keep spoofing each other to solidify the illusion.~
If you still hate someone after putting yourself into their shoes… then they are obviously too tight because you are too big in your own mind for your own good, fat head.~
Be thankful I’m retired. If I was doing this full-time, I’d bore you to tears.~
Now days, the only way to achieve inner peace, is to scream at the top of your lungs for the politicians and newsmen to fucking go to hell, until they actually do.~
Dear government, and megacorps: Winning is not taking rights away with legislation or getting the contract for weapons to be used at Armageddon. These things are mutually assured destruction.~
When people say not to worry about things, “They will get better,” I think they must mean that the things that worry you will get better at doing that.~
Never take the last train from Clarksville. Its full of Monkeys.~
Theorist’s Conspiracy
Open the door to news of tragedy obscene. The lunacy involved, what can it mean?
Turn on the light and survey the crime scene – see Rats scurry trying not to be seen.
Catch one, make it come squeaky clean: Federal ties found amid many lies between.
Note all such oddities you might glean, contrary to the official story quite glassine.
Compare to what others have seen, conclude just what it really all does mean.
Forget now all you once had been, you’re now a conspiracy theorist, a sin.
In case you are wondering, yes, I used to do stage comedy in talent contests. Often got a first place. That was great; being the first person put on the bus out of town, I got to choose the best seat.~
Let me apologize in advance for insulting you. I’m not going to stick around in case you start swinging.~
The Federal Gov has gotten to be such a big asshole that it doesn’t even have to fart to stink up the whole country, but it does so continuously, anyway. If Hillary is elected, she plans on feeding it beens and drinking water from Mexico, giving new meaning to when the SHTF. I’m thinking Trump is the BEANO.~
A Noun is a word that has a ROCK solid object identity.
A Proper Noun tells the actual name or title, my dear SIR, or may I call you JOHN.
A Pronoun is an Avatar stand in for IT.
An Adjective tells you a IDENTIFIABLE personality.
A Verb is a word in MOTION.
An Adverb tells you its VERY measure.
A Preposition pre positions the Noun TO Verb relation.
A Conjunction forms a junction function between word thoughts, SO don’t get confused.
A Contraction is a contracted attraction giving traction to two words as one, a marriage licensed by apostrophication, or a foreshortening of a word as a slang thang for those who were THINK’N they HADN’T the time or space for two words.~
X
I had a Checklist but can’t use it as I haven’t written a check since Debit Cards came out.
I had a folding Map but I can’t follow it because there is no place in my car’s dash to plug it in.
I had a Plan but I can’t follow it because the steps don’t appear on the Dance Dance Revolution pad.
I had a contract but I don’t abide by it because I already held both the first and second Parties. Sorry I didn’t invite you.
I had a Letter but Sesame Street is now on a channel I don’t get.
I had an envelope but didn’t give a lick.
I had a Folder but since I no longer need the checklist, plan, contract, letter, or envelope, I threw it away, too.~
X
A Conservative Politician in Office is conservative in measuring out his power to avoid angering the voter; he fears the people, where a Liberal believes that governmental power is end all-do all, and they use/abuse their power to manipulate the people by fear of government.
A Conservative Government heeds its own laws by conservative judgment, where a Liberal tends to apply grains of salt, rationalize, and bend slightly, each time taking more liberal advantage until it is in time fully lawless.
A Conservative Government writes Laws which are conservative in principles within the limitations of its Charter (The Constitution, Bill of Rights), where a Liberal (by the above means) takes liberties in lawmaking which take liberty out of the Law; they become increasingly unconstitutional and negate the Bill of Rights.
A Conservative Policy must always fit the national interest in obedience to Sovereignty and which honors the Charter, where a Liberal is interested in reformation to a new model, almost always globalist in nature (i.e., favoring United Nations, One-World Government) and is willing to sacrifice the Charter and Sovereignty for that agenda.
A Conservative Politician thinks in terms of limitations per the above, which allows personal and corporate governance to be at ‘”Liberty” to flourish and pursue happiness and wellbeing, trusting the people to seek what they will for their own good, where a Liberal thinks in terms of socialistic Agenda which stifle or suppress these things ‘for the good of the people, of whom they think cannot be trusted.’
A conservative understands that to become elected or to move legislation, there must be an accommodating compromise between the ideal and the attainable, where a Liberal will promise anything to get what they really want, or take any drastic measure to get what they want, even if it means legislation which cannot possibly achieve the stated purpose, and especially if it serves some unstated agenda per the above.~
Panic is in abundance, as is a loose tongue, when the SHTF. Calm reason and restraint is called for. Take a deep breath, grab a cold beer and reflect before commenting. But if the bullets are flying around you, SHOOT BACK AND SAVE THE DIALOG FOR LATER. That’s when you will really need that beer.~
Why do they call them a POEM when no other word quite right rhymes with poem?
Why do they call them a JOKE when the point is a hard straight poke?
Why do they call them a SONG when it’s really a sing?
Why do they call them a RIDDLE when the answer is a clue in the middle?
Why do they call them a SPEECH when it gives you the claps or makes you boo who?
Why do they call them a REport, REmark or REply when it’s actually the first time?
Why do they call them a QUESTion when instead of taking the path to the answer on your own,
you leave it to another to do?
Why do they call them a PARagraph when there’s really only one?
Why do they call them a SENTENCE
when they rarely involve a judge?
Why do they call them a STORY when they don’t have walls, cielings, or floors?
Why do they call this a POST… oh, wait, I know: because that’s what it’s as dumb as.~
X
Why is it that you can talk to ten strangers and 7 or more of them will believe or agree like minded if you tell them…
About a UFO you’ve seen…
About 911 as an inside job…
About Global Warming as a sham…
About CIA and the mob killing JFK…
About chemtrails vs. contrails…
About a Bilderberger NWO/Illuminati conspirators…
About mind control, gang stalking, Voice-2-Skull…
But when you talk to ten lawmakers, law keepers, medicals, or reporters about any of that…
You are suddenly crazy to the point of risking forced evaluation?
Because the System and its professional armies are taught not to believe in the boogyman (who arranged for their lessons).~
The addage “Follow your dreams…” with respect to career can end terribly, UNLESS you take the RIGHT path:
1 toe in the water as a hobby… Insures you really do like it and have basic skills required.
2 build a boat taking courses in the trade, even if mail order or online. This will confirm
if you have actual talent. If not, start over w next best passion.
3 float the boat as intern. This will educate you as to the harsh realities and negatives of the
trade. Lets you confirm you like it, and regardless, gives a leg up on others for getting the job.
4 if you get this far, set sail as employee, setting aside savings. You WILL do well if you are ‘all in,’
what some call the ‘work ethic,’ which is simply doing your best.
5 with savings, buy a yacht by starting your own firm. That will plot a course to your dreams.
More: at all levels, start a small home-based business for both the experience, income, and tax benefits. This allows you to build resources (eg, instruments for a musician) less expensively and helps build your resume, client base, networking resources. I have NEVER not operated my own business since entering high school, and most related in their start to my first entry into a given field of work, at the hobby stage. I have therefore mastered and become successful in many fields and industry sectors, and despite having only a high school education, I’ve been granted four experiential degrees for the purpose of teaching at college level.~
My Mom always told me not to play in the street. She was right. The freeways are much more fun – if you are agile and don’t mind the blaring horns and screeching tires…~
What did the politician say to the activist? Nothing. He doesn’t pay attention to those voters, either.~
You are free to disagree with me as long as you understand I am never wrong and never make a mitsak ni anteing I sae.~
Modern Debate
What I believe is true. If you disagree, screw you.
I know I’ m right, I do. I’m clearly smarter than you.
Don’t you dare try to argue – untill your face turns blue:
What I believe is due – to claims I find undeniably true.
Your facts will not do, they confuse what I know is true.
Such reality I pooh pooh, my mind made up for me, you
see; I won’t listen to you. What’s that you ask askew?
No, I no not just who said, but some kind of Web guru.
Its not important just who. But I know it surly wasn’t you.
What I believe is true. If you don’t agree, boo hoo to you.
Truth’s what I want it to be, no matter what you say or do.
A Democrat Congressman and a Republican Senator walked into a bar… Wait! That’s already as big a joke as can be…~
Notice: please note… In case you haven’t noticed before. Have you ever noticed there is hardly ever been and important notice delivered or posted such that you actually noticed? Nah, I bet you didn’t even notice any such post. I hereby give notice that, if you noticed this post, or not, this notice is not such a notice, but merely a post giving note to such.~
Dos You Got Down Wid Wad I Be Say’n Bout Dis and Dat, Bro?
Dis, Dat, and Dos, as ‘hip’ as they could be, went into a bar to get a drink. Dos bought the 1st round of beers. Once served, Dat said “Dis be good ‘n stuff.”
Dis replied “I try to be good like dat, you know? Mama sez to.”
Dat saw Dis was confused, “Thank yo for the compliment, Dis, but dat not wad I meant. We all be drink’n da same brew and dat be good’n stuff.”
Dis and Dat seemed confused. “Look, Man, dis is on tap’n we don’t be know’n wad it be,” he clarified.
Dis choked on a swig. “What yo say, bro? No one be tap’n on me, so natch, I dont know wad it be.”
“No, Man,” Dat tried to explain further, “Dis beer be tap beer. It be good, but ah dont know wad it be.”
Dis, at least, finally understood. “I got yo drift, now, Man. But I heard dos tap beers were cheap’n stuff. You know, po shit wid no taste. So wad dis be?”
Now Dos complained. “Wad yo mean… yo be sayin I bought cheep beers?”
And now, Dis was confused, once more, too. “I be just fine, bro. Why yo ask wad I be?”
At this point, the bartender happened by. “Hey, Man,” accosted Dat. “We be wond’rn… Wad be dis here beer?”
“Dat be Dos,” he replied simply. “Dat be good, n stuff.”
Dat seemed upset, now. “Look, man, we been all through Dis be’n good, n stuff. But if yo be say,n I sho nuff should be like Dos… dat Dos be gooder,n me, I take ‘ception to dat. Yo don’t know Dat, and yo sho as Hell dont know me.”
Now Dos was miffed. “Hang on a sec, man,” he said to Dat, “yo sayin yo better’n me?”
Well, things went down hill from there and it looked like a fight was about to break out, when the bartender tried to calm them with clarification. “Dis be rediculous!” he started.
But Dis did’t give him a chance to finish, and knocked him on his ass!
“Ha!” he exclaimed. “Yo dumb ass be’n on da flo wid yo dumb fat mouth bleed’n wad be rediculous.”
This unexpected event had disrupted the conflict between Dos and Dat long enough that they had calmed down. Dis suggested they leave, and all agreeing, they stormed out in a huff.
As they exited, Dis noted “We stiil dont know wad dat beer be. I sho nuff wish I knew.”
The others agreed, none of them noticing the neon sign in the window reading “Dos XX on tap.”~
X
If Trump is such a chump we’ rather dump, and Uncle Bernie is ample wormy and too squirmy, and Hillary far too shrillery under FBI drillery, then does that mean Biden is bid’n his tim’n in decid’n if rid’n White Knight style last minute to the Demo’s how we’ll be decid’n who’s presidential presid’n?~
What happens when a Socialist politician, an establishment Democrat, a non establishment Republican and an establishment Republican go into a Bar and call for a round on them, each? The price of drinks goes up, the waitresses worry about deportation, the bartender adds water to the drinks, the bouncer calls a reporter, and the Janitor worries about having to clean up all the bullshit that’s about to be spread. And, the patrons realize the hangover isn’t going to be worth it, and they leave.~
Fractured Isms.
Ferris Beuller (Matthew Broderick) had it right. “A person should not believe in an “ism“, he should believe in himself.” In other words, don’t be a follower of someones ideas. If you want to make a change for the better, YOU are what you’ve been waiting for.
Here are some (twisted) examples of perhaps why isms can be problematic…
Capitalism: You have two cows. Sell one and buy a bull to start a cow factory. Worship in any church you want as long as you tithe a portion of your stock options. John Lennon is a famous millionaire singer invited to sit on your Board of Directors. Apple Computer stock looks attractive, so you merge to form Cowpile Computer.
Socialism: You have two cows. Give one cow to the government to slaughter and share with the poor. You worship in any church which is left or right of center. John Lennon is a folk singer of meaningful Marxist ballads. Apple Computer is bailed out by Congress whenever its stock falls below that of Microsoft.
Communism: You had two cows, but now the State has them, and may or may not give you some milk – if you are willing to stand in a long line. You do not go to church except to attend Party meetings. John Lennon is a decadent influence on youth. Apple Computer never was, because they refused to allow government to take more than one bite of it as it would ruin the logo.
Fascism: You had two cows but the government forced you to sell them to corporations for beans (magic or otherwise) who in turn sells the dairy and beef products back to you for huge profits. You go to the same church as the fearless leader, or you don’t go at all. John Lennon sounds like he was related to a Marxist and so he was shot. Apple Computer was burned to the ground in order to blame Compaqism and sweep Bill Gates into power.
Nazism: You had two cows but the government arrested you for hording and took them. You and your religious fanatic family are burned alive in your church for refusing to Sig Heil. John Lennon was in there with you, singing Give Peace a Chance. Apple Computer users are arrested and sent to camps for daring to ‘Think Different.’
Anarchism: You have two cows running down the freeway causing car wrecks. Shoot the tax collector, steal his money, and rape his dog (unless a hunting dog – but since it is a government dog, we know that dog don’t hunt.) You blow up the church. John Lennon sings Revolution. Macintosh Computers have a high repair rate from all the bullet holes.
Constitutionalism: You have two cows and the government cannot unreasonably search or seize them without a warrant, or prevent them from mooing, or prevent you from owning them and forming a militia of fellow cow owners who meet weekends and practice milking with dummy targets. You can’t figure out which of the thousands of churches to attend. Neither can John Lennon, so he writes Imagine. Steve Jobs was a Founding Father who wrote the ‘Consitution for the rest of us.’
Patriotism: You have two cows painted red, white, and blue. Your church supports the current war. John Lennon is boycotted, and so he has a sleep in. Apple is not sold to anyone unwilling to pledge allegiance to Microsoft products.
Militarism: You have two cows which you have convinced each that the other is seeking to invade their own private pasture. You sell arms to both sides. Your church owns stock in your company. John Lennon had his visa revoked because he was a pacifist who smoked pot. Apple Computer is what makes smart bombs smart.
Pacifism: You have two contented cows which give canned milk. Your body is your temple (and you are what you eat.) The government is headed by John Lennon. Apple Computer listens to its customer complaints.
Fatalism: Your cows died after you stopped feeding them because you figured they would just die, anyway. It was the same reasoning by which you determined God is dead. You never heard of John Lennon. Apple System error messages all start with ‘You should have known better than to think this wasn’t going to happen…’
Surrealism: You have a pasture full of Dell Computers searching the Web for the best price on a Macintosh. The government worships you. There is no John Lennon, because he would have made sense, so he instead turns out to actually be Ringo Star, who never quite did.
Bushisms: Is your cows in my Big Mac? I’m a God fearing man on Sundays. Which one is Lennon, and which one is Lennin? I will not have one of those damned Macs on my desk. Jobs didn’t contribute one cent to my election fund!
Clintonisms: Wow, look at those udders! I’m a God fearing man on Sundays. I liked John Lennon. We had a lot in common. In fact, I inhaled once, myself. I don’t know about granting Apple a GSA contract… they didn’t contribute to my election fund.
Obamaisms: Your cows are being detained indefinitely to combat terrorism. I’m a God fearing man on Sundays, unless I’m playing Golf. I liked John Lennon. I had FBI sue Apple Computer, who wouldn’t let me spy on iPhones, and didn’t contribute to my election fund.
Note: If you like the isms, they were lifted from a page full of additional jokes of greater complexity than the bulk of material in this post. Find them here: To Laugh in the Face of the NWO is the Best Form of Contempt.
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proparanoid 
Like or Hate Me, You May Wish to Quote Me
Aug 26
Posted by Author H. Michael Sweeney
If I had a dollar, or even a dime for every web page that mentioned or quoted me or my works, I’d be a millionaire: 12 million pages can’t all be wrong; people repeat what I say. Where else but America can you become ‘famous’ for putting your foot in your mouth on a regular basis?
by H. Michael Sweeney proparanoid.wordpress.com proparanoid.net facebook
copyright © 2016, all rights reserved. Permission to repost hereby granted provided entire post with all links in tact, including this notice and byline, are included. Please comment any such repost to original posting.
What you will get by reading this post…
• Silly quotable one liners, gags, and full-on original jokes;
• witty quotable witticisms, wise sayings, criticisms, and other malarky;
• non PC quotable political snipes, barbs, and ruthless rhetoric;
• thoughtful quotable philosophical wisdoms, advice, and beatitudes.
My most popular writing today has been copied by permission on hundreds of Web sites, and reproduced in at least a half dozen books. So I know I’m quoted out there. It is even used in college courses on Political Science, Journalism, and Psychology. It’s called the 25 Rules of Disinformation, and includes not just how to spot disinfo, but how to out it and defeat the user in public or private venue.
This post is (mostly) a collection of my most popular Facebook posts. People generally like them, unless on the wrong end of the barb. Even then, the resulting dialogs have been interesting, and we tend to remain friends. But most people on Facebook do not ‘go looking’ for something to read, they let Facebook automatically send them random samplings in their ‘feed.’ It is really best to FOLLOW someone you like (also true of my blog posts); the only way to insure you see everything a given person posts (or blogs), is to follow them (subscribe — click that option now, while you are thinking about it.)
So, even if already a Facebook friend, it is highly unlikely you will have seen very many of what follows: a random grab bag of quotable material. Now, if you do actually choose to quote me, please do cite me as the source, and link either to this blog Page or the whole Site, or my Facebook page. New friends are welcome there, of course. You can quote me on that!
Quote on!
You May Wish to Quote Me (I do it all the time)~
If I had a dollar, or even a dime for every web page that mentioned or quoted me or my works, I’d be a millionaire: 12 million pages can’t all be wrong; people like what I say. Where else but America can you become ‘famous’ for putting your foot in your mouth on a regular basis?~
You may have noticed that I’m imminently quotable by the way I continually quote myself, because after all, “I’m imminently quotable.”~
The only good thing about putting my foot in my mouth so often is that I always know if my shoelaces are tied, or knot.~
T’was an LL Cool Day
(apologies to LL Cool J)
I saw an Armadillo while visiting Amarillo;
he sat near a willow, upon a satin pillow.
In the sun, bright yellow, this reclining fellow
seemed to be quite mellow, eating a bowl of Jello
while listening to a fellow who played a loud Cello.
Were I to say hello, I feared I must such bellow;
that seemed such a peccadillo, I ne’er met that Armadillo
If Google spies on your searches, shouldn’t their name be Goggle?
If Yahoo does, Youwho?
If Facebook tracks your info, Factlook?
If YouTube censors excessively and politically, LubeRube?
If television is propaganda, Tellyourmission?
If a newspaper is the same, Newsfaker?
If the Oval Office is a source of lies and skullduggery, the Shovel Orrafice?~
From conversation agent.typepad.com (click for their similar answer to meaning of life)
The meaning of Life? To take all gifts entrusted to you by God; Free Will, life, and the Soul which defines the inner you, and the gifts you earn through life; knowledge, talent, skills, wealth and possessions, experiences and positions… to edify yourself, edify others (family, those above you, your peers, and strangers), and above all, edify God in the doing. This is true Glory, and the source of Blessings.
To the extent you do this, you yourself fabricate that meaning. To the extent you fail to do so, you dilute or even destroy it. Any faults or failures you have along the way are challenges in learning, and otherwise non sequitur to the equation. This is true Faith, and the source of Happiness.
Don’t focus on them, learn from them, and go on. You are what you’ve been waiting for, all along. Stop looking so hard for simple answers, and stop struggling so hard against battles predestined to be won by the righteous. If God be for you, who can be against you? This is the true foundation of Peace, and the source of Strength.
The meaning of life, is YOU, and I’m glad you have friended me. As I wish for me, so I wish for you. Thank you for sharing this Sunday with me.~
Wisdom is sometimes knowing how to seem wise without anyone’s means to challenge. After struggling to the top of the mountain to ask my one-allowed question of the Guru, he preempted with an answer: “Yes, my Son,” he said, “you have at last made it to the top. Now leave me in peace.”~
I wonder if Pavlov’s Dog’s got that way eating Pavlum? Probably not, it wouldn’t make me salivate.~
You know your’e an alcoholic and an unpleasant drunk if people invite you to their parties the day after, and you are so sloshed you think you just got back from it.~
I’m sorry, but I think I misunderstood what you wanted me to consider about what you probably meant by saying what you thought I would be able to relate to as allegory to the intended thought you had in mind, but couldn’t articulate because you were afraid I would misconstrue it as something else. What were we talking about, again?~
A dirty joke is to humor in a way exactly like the Presidential election is to politics.~
Rain falls in drops because it’s happy water. When it’s mad, watch out for hail.~
Old Crow
Oh, old Crow, so cautious and suspicious,
not like the Goose, who’s calm with aplomb,
your caw is such an appalling loud calling,
unlike parakeets most cheerful earful,
or eagle’s shrill cry from high in the sky.
Your old black cloak does fail to evoke
the visual delight of a Parrot, so bright.
You walk with a hobble and a wobble,
where a Robin bounces and pounces,
and the Stork is stilted and often is tilted.
And though your flight is quite alright,
it’s not as stunning as a Bird, Humming.
Lacking the Hawk’s glide so full of pride,
sans any formation of Geese’ inclination,
nor is it as swift as can be a quick Swift.
Your Murder is a suspect some fear to detect,
and yet, I suspicion, it’s all mere superstition.
Yet do not away rush, my criticisms to hush:
let not any objection be seen as a rejection;
I do like you old Crow, so brag on, and crow.
Escape
To escape vile fate I must get past that damned wall;
because if staying here, I’ll not likely survive it at all.
I tried to climb upon it, up high, no good, then higher,
only to find it topped with wickedly sharp razor wire.
I tried to go around it, hoping an opening I would find,
but it surrounds me completely, and I’m trapped inside.
I tried to dig under, tunneling deep, deep underground
but impassable boulders and water did me confound.
To escape my foe I must get past that heartless wall;
I’ve no choice; to give up certainly means my downfall.
I’ve asked for help from all near who might could hear,
they refuse to give aid, yielding to their own dark fear.
I’ve prayed to God to help, to redeem and set me free,
but I’m afraid in here, even He can’t hear me or see.
Then came a gentle voice advising firmly to be still,
“I’m with you always, as is my gift of strong Free Will.
To escape your foe, you must get past that mere wall,
and there is yet one thing you’ve not tied, not at all.”
My thoughts reeled, and the answer came in a flash,
I’d not yet tried attacking head on, the wall to crash.
I gathered my courage and backed up for a good run,
and ran headlong screaming at the top of my lung.
I hit that wall with all my brute force, and hit it hard:
knocking myself unconscious right there in that yard.
To escape my foe, I’ve tried it all, to get past the evil wall;
but nothing has for me worked, no not one, nothing at all.
I awoke quite dazed, my fist clinched in pain and my rage,
the voice had not well helped me, its advice was not sage.
But regaining my feet, a white robed figure there stood tall,
amid the rubble of that same accursed, impassable wall.
“You’ve escaped your foe,” said he, “right through the wall;
not by your strength, nor luck, but that on me you did call.
The miracle you sought was within you right from the start,
your faith in me was all it took; and abiding love in your heart.
If God be for you, no man or thing against you can stand,
when you hit that wall, I was there with you, hand in hand.”
Sorry if I insult you. Being poor, I have to go for the cheap shots.~
Any man can toast his friends at the tavern. But a brave man toasts his enemies. That’s why I always carry a can of lighter fluid when I go drinking.~
I never quite chimed in with the 60’s by wearing bell bottom pants – until I got kicked in the groin.~
I’m never inclined to eat carrots. I just can’t see my way to do so.~
Linear or Columnar?
A rhythmic rhyme in a single line is often quite fine.
but most like a rhyme
to be of many a line,
or to metrically align; be symmetrically sublime,
or perhaps its just fine
to enjoy any old rhyme.
X
Political Risk
I’ll not vote for she who does cackle
when refusing a tough query to tackle.
While not happy with alternative Trump,
he’s still better than a kick in the rump.
While Dems are OK with criminal lies,
and Establishment Reps swarm like flies,
a candidate ripe for an email blackmail
risks a serious national security fail.
A lot of drinks call for two fingers of this or that liquor, so I always look for bartenders with really big hands.~
The path to illumination in the darkness is called a sidewalk.~
Political Seuss
I do not like this Uncle Sam, I do not like the health care scam.
I do not like these dirty crooks, or how they lie and cook the books!
I do not like when Congress steals, I do not like their secret deals.
I do not like this speaker Nan, I do not like this ‘YES WE CAN’.
I do not like this spending spree, I’m smart, I know that Nothing’s Free!
I do not like their smug replies, when I complain about their lies.
I do not like this kind of hope. I do not like it. nope, nope, nope!
There are rarely times when ‘actual’ sex is as good as ‘fantasy’ sex is imagined. However, they both involve a little ‘t’ & ‘a.’~
The only ‘gun control’ I support is that question in the mind of the criminal intent on causing trouble, “Will he remain in control of his fear or temper, or will he pull the trigger.”~
Politic’s Ticks
If Trump is such a chump we’d rather dump,
and Uncle Bernie is ample wormy and too squirmy,
and Hillary far too shrillery under FBI drillery,
with liberally bias in the press giving truth no redress…
Does that mean Biden is bid’n his tim’n in decid’n if rid’n
White Knight like last minute to the Demo’s pandemic…
Is that how we’ll be decid’n who’s presidential presid’n?
Is that Obama’s last prick on his way out, his hat trick?
That I won’t at all be abid’n, down too far we’ve been slid’n.
Doing
Yes, wine is quite fine when you have the time, or dine,
but weed has more speed if you have the need; do proceed.
The joke for this bloke is that I cannot smoke, nor toke,
and shrink from such drink – an alchoholic’s dread; brink of stink.
Dope lacks hope that I’ll survive or cope its scope,
so here’s my fears (why I’m lacking cheers amid tears):
this guy will die having never daring a high to try.
That hex did vex untill realizing that the Rx is sex!~
Never hiss at a snake; the conversation could be deadly.~
Perplexity
Do you know anything of the Entymology of Entomology,
or is it to you as confusing as the synopsis of synapsis?
Hillary’s Ruin
(What difference does it make?)
As I have previously stated,
I am quite totally devastated
not to have been reinstated.
I have frequently formulated
and as often have postulated
just why I’m not yet reinstated.
The cause, you see, is equated
with rumors and lies oft related
to prevent my being reinstated.
They shout with glee, as if elated
with prideful egos thus elevated,
for blocking my being reinstated.
They say my claims are overrated,
to a job where I ne’er participated,
and that’s why I can’t be reinstated.
If people died while I simply waited,
shown in lies and emails evaluated,
what difference to being reinstated?
My right, you see, as Royal rated
is for all to worship me unabated,
and vote to have me reinstated.
Never apologize to me for being you. Just stop it!~
Why do some of us eat the icing out of the middle of an Oreo? Where else would it be?~
Seasonal Orb
I saw last night the thinnest sliver of a silver Moon,
a most pleasant crescent, present this month of June.
So thin that it did quiver and thus scant light deliver,
did I realize before my eyes it would dematerialize.
Now its gone, but before too long, watching for its rise,
to my boon: it shall return soon, as a mirror sliver Moon.
Rhyme Defined
A simple rhyme takes little time,
a light banter with good cantor –
best if exquisite, expressed explicit;
easy to recall in its all and all.
In A Rush
Here”s a quick li’l poem:
done now, I’ll be goin’.
What’s wrong with the Mayor of New York, does he not know his soda ban and tax is suppressing Pop Culture?~
Unfortunately for Custer, at least 10 Little Indians never heard that song.~
Time Tells No Tales
Once upon a time? No, I’m highly suspicious.
If it only happened once, it must be fictitious,
especially if remarkably good and not malicious:
Real events repeat themselves through history,
written down in pages for study by you and me,
where learning not, we assure repeat eventuality.
X
Dear Fascists
Take heed, look around: here stand I, I stand my ground.
Never again will I back away, here I stand, and here I’ll stay.
Your words will not sway me, no dark threats dissuade me.
Take heed, look around. Here stand I, I stand my ground.
Never again will I back away, here I stand, and here I’ll stay.
No trick or lies, nor treachery will keep me from remaining free.
No unjust laws, cops or military will I respect, still shall I tarry.
Take heed, look around: here stand I, I stand my ground.
Never again will I back away, here I stand, and here I’ll stay.
Surround me with vile forces, I’ll ignore their foul loud voices.
Dare attack me if you will, I’ll reply ten fold until my body’s still.
Take heed, look around: here stand I, I stand my ground.
Never again will I back away, here I stand, and here I’ll stay.
They say the Earth’s rotation is slowing down. I have a simple cure. We all get in our cars and face them West, and synchronize burning rubber.~
Status Quo: Latin for we want you to think things are equal and as they should be so you
will shut up and do what you are told.
Parity: French for we want you to think things are the same and as they should be so you
will shut up and do what you are told.
Equality: Ye olde English for we want you to think things are the same and as they should
be so you will shut up and do what you are told.
Same: what we mean when we are talking about one political party compared to another,
those people who want us to shut up and do what we are told.
X
I thought of a Hillaryous joke, but I don’t want to keep insulting Democrats.~
Social Litmus
Do my witticisms impress you or simply depress you?
Do my jokes make you laugh or think me some Jackass?
Do my poems seem lyrical or are they just predictable?
Do my posts give enlightenment, or seem closer to excrement?
Do you share, like, and follow, or is our friendship just hollow?
X
Smart by Default
Any wisdom I have lies in taking some care
in choosing the friends with whom I will share.
If smarter than me I will make them aware:
I agree with them, and with flattering flair.
If not as smart, then will I then declare,
their inspiring thoughts lead me to dare.
A tack pins things down, while pins prick things deeply, but a prick is always tacky, hard to pin down, offending deeply.~
Time for me to post-a-joke. Invented by a stand-up comic, it’s like a Post-it Pad, without any glue to hold it together — so it’s insanely presented in unexpected ways, and it is colorless, unless fucking off color or borrows the color of a racial inference. Wait… that’s a political speech.~
I think I understand the term ‘feedback loop,’ now: GMO crops.~
Shoot first and ask questions later. It saves dialog and you don’t get ambiguous answers… if there are any answers.~
Being Outspoken
I’m the first to admit I know so much about everything,
an expert assumed, presumed, or claimed unrelenting.
In truth it seems, I know not enough on any one thing,
to avoid putting my foot in my mouth without realizing.
X
Your Bad, So Sad. My Bad, And Glad
If you insult me, let me be quite perfectly clear,
you’d better be right in your basis, my dear,
because logic, facts, and reason, you’ll hear,
the weapons my response will burn in your ear.
Excuse me if I’m less than politically correct,
but especially if trying to point out your defect,
you have no legal right to avoid being upset
by my Free Speech, you fucking dumb idiot.
I’m not going to post anything useful, today. I hope this heads up proves useful. Doh!~
I get rejected a lot by the ladies. I asked one gal if she would like to go out on a double date, and she said “Sure. How about Judgement Day, and the Day after.”~
Hurry, hurry, hurry! Step right up folks, and get your fresh posts, right here, right now. Only $1, five for $3, and a surprise in every one, guaranteed, or your money back. Don’t be misled by the competitor’s claims; they only post kitties and slogans, and complaints that no one comments. Hurry, hurry, hurry!~
My Prayer today, is for you. There is nothing better than other people praying for you, especially if praying WITH you. We’re not getting older, just getting closer to home! Be Still, and at peace. Now, it is true that the Lord’s Prayer is quite sufficient and complete to God, but sometimes, we feel we want to say more. That is good with God.
May I suggest the prayer below? If ye pray it as you read, it is the same as if we have done so together; Matthew 18:19 “And I tell you more: whenever two of you on earth agree about anything you pray for, it will be done for you by my Father in heaven.” All that is required is that the prayer be righteous and fitting to God’s Will, which is defined to the extent we are able to determine in his Word. If we do not vary from that, we are apt to receive that which we NEED, if not that which we THINK we need and seek by prayer (be careful what and how you ask for [it].) Begin:
Heavenly Father, thank You for each and every day; today is a Day the Lord hath made, we rejoice and are glad in it, for You have blessed us here on earth yet again. Thank You for Your tender mercies of your Grace, and the gift of life and of Free Will, which lead us through the day; may we not abuse these gifts and offend You. Thank You for giving us family and friends to share the joys and burdens of the day. I ask You to bless my family, relatives and friends and those I care deeply for, and those who are reading this right now, especially those who are suffering and in need of your intervention.
Where there is joy, give them continued joy. Where there is pain, give them peace and mercy. Where there is self-doubt or confusion, release a renewed confidence and understanding. Where there is need, fulfill their needs. Move them to study your Word, to strengthen their faith and embrace the Gospel, and to be moved thereby to spread the Word. Bless their families, homes, finances, their goings and their comings, and turn aside their enemies in forgiveness, which is to our good as well as our enemy’s good.
Above all else, may Your Will be done, in Jesus’ name,~
If Istanbul used to be Contstantinople, does that mean they got tired of constantly being in Ople, wherever that is?~
Just because I disagree with you does not mean I don’t like you. I hate everyone equally.~
A conspiracy unfolding is like a barrage of arrows in the dark. You hear evidence that something is not right, but don’t don’t get the point until it is too late. Worse, you also get the shaft.~
Desperate Conclusion
My mind, not very clear right now, so
writing some clever rhyming ditty? No.
But I know some of you like that stuff…
So there’s only one question:
Is this good enough?
Good example of a self-fulfilling prophesy: “I’m going to enter the hot dog eating contest.”~
It must be true that you are what you eat. I live on $3 a day in food, and one look at me and you will know, I’m a cheapskate.~
Why do they call it an aptitude test? Because if you have to take one, you are apt to detest it.~
You will note I don’t call people who don’t agree with me bad names. That’s because the bastards have thick skins.~
Digital Death
My computer is dying now of old age,
and while buying a new one is truly sage,
and newer models are quite all the rage,
there’s nothing but zeros on the last page
of my checkbook; no income at my age.
My mouse is destined for the round cage,
unless comes a miracle or magical Mage.
X
Enchanting
A chant can be a kind of moving song,
easily remembered for singing along.
A chant can be a loud and angry jeer,
prompting attention, worry, and fear.
A chant might be for someone; a call,
for entertainers or leaders loved by all.
A chant gives power to thought and word,
assuring its message is clearly heard.
But a chant by Monks is the best to hear,
binding us to God and drawing Him near.
If I have a Colon for which I might need a Colonoscopy, and use :s and ;s in a similar manner all the time when I write, why can’t I get a Semicolonoscopy, and save some money?~
Lately, I’ve been thinking of taking a plane somewhere to improve my sex life. It won’t matter where, I just going through TSA will do the trick.~
OK, time for me to say something funny. But that would be deja vu.~
The next time you hear some wimpy Liberal whining about some perceived micro aggression, say to them, “To quote an oft used line in The Princess Bride, my little precious Princess… ‘I do not think you know what these words mean.” Then slug them in the mouth and say, “You cannot ‘micro’ that; there would be no point.”~
Since I’m left handed, I never need a Compass; I just use my southpaw.~
Since there is no longer rule of law in this country in high places, such that no one in government is held accountable, and the very laws they write are themselves violations of law (unconstitutional), and government itself is the biggest criminal… I reserve the right to violate ANY law at ANY time for ANY reason.
My authority is the Constitution, my basis the Pursuit of Happiness declared therein, my means is Civil Disobedience, my support is the Second Amendment, my argument the First Amendment, and my goal is the Redress guaranteed therein. I rest my case, and those who choose to oppose me may rest in peace, if that be their choice. No appointment needed.~
X
An election process is like a stale fast-food hamburger. On the outside it looks big and besprinkled with seeds of wisdom. On the inside are secret conspiratorial sauces and lies about quality and quantity of substance, and wilted vegetable-like promises. Do you want fries with that? Cold, greasy, and slimy press coverage.~
Never wander around in the dark. That would be you watching TV ‘news.’~
When people talk about shooting at dummy targets, are they hinting at politicians?
Is that why you never see politicians at a gun shop or shooting range?~
I encourage free speech. And, I own the concession on ear plugs in the District of Columbia.~
Cat got your tongue? I don’t know how you can stand there so silently, I know I’d be screaming; that’s got to hurt like hell.~
PC Friends?
Politically Correct is not for me, my friend,
the 1st Amendment says I’m free to offend.
My words, ideas and actions do not pretend,
that you’ve no right against them to defend;
just do so to my face with honor and it will end
with agreement or no, but still friend to friend.
X
Waiver Not
Never Opt for signing a waiver,
never waiver in copping a sign;
raising up high a middle finger,
rather than your rights to resign.
X
Prosthetic Prose
Prose is prone to rhyme in a rhythm so quaint,
but to intone it sublime; a sure given it aint’
Alien observer’s notebook: Man is a lousy Plumber. He must think the Ocean is impure because he keeps trying to filter out the fish with giant mesh filters. Silly creature. When that doesn’t work, he drills holes in the Ocean floor to drain the water out.~
Someone said I might should listen to Meatloaf on CD. I don’t get it. As soon as I put a slice on the CD, it stopped sizzling and I couldn’t hear a thing.~
Does the FCC really know what they are doing? I find myself waking up to AM Radio, so I know what they mean when they say ‘Morning Radio.’ But while I can find an FM station, I can never seem to find a PM station. They need someone from the NyQuil folks to run the outfit, I think.~
The answer to the age old riddle: what came first, the Chicken, or the Egg? Answer: neither; it was the Rooster. (surely, someone else said this somewhere, sometime earlier)~
I must be a looser. There was this gal I liked who always bought fresh produce. But when I got fresh, she just slapped my face.~
Big Enough
To big to fail cost you and me,
for bailouts, and lost property.
To big to nail, cost prohibitively
the national debt ridiculous, be.
To big to jail cost you and me,
for hall passes for Mz Hillary.
To small to hail, just you and me,
our vote has no voice collectively.
X
It’s It
Time to offer up a bit of wit.
Something funny to any Brit?
Are you worried just a we bit
about a future Brexit bad sit?
Afraid there’s no way out of it;
to escape a daily diet of shit,
Mushrooms often get slit and bit.
X
Falling Sky
Chicken Little a warning did brae,
none believed in what he did say.
Many long years since passed away,
we still refuse to believe him today.
Yet Planet X and Wormwood obey
God’s Will and ARE heading our way.
The moral to me seems thus to say:
good Chicken Littles should now pray;
for it is written, “None knows the Day,”
I never did well in Science Class. I still don’t know the conversion factors between celsius, farenheit, and college degrees.~
Hillary avoids Potatos and Corn. She knows they have eyes and ears and might testify.~
Gmail just informed me my folder :”Hate Mail” is full. Half of it is from Democrats, and half from Republicans. The difference is, the Republicans tell me exactly why they don’t like me, and the Democrats only tell me how they feel.~
Taxes are a fiction, just as are the wages taxed; when the dollar is nothing but an I.O.U., you never really get paid, and so, you can never really be taxed or pay taxes, either. Credit and Bank Loans are a also a fiction, just as are the checks (also I.O.U.s) used in obtaining the loan or repaying it – and the bank didn’t even have the money to loan in the first place (allowed to loan up to 20 times their bank deposits). We just keep spoofing each other to solidify the illusion.~
If you still hate someone after putting yourself into their shoes… then they are obviously too tight because you are too big in your own mind for your own good, fat head.~
Be thankful I’m retired. If I was doing this full-time, I’d bore you to tears.~
Now days, the only way to achieve inner peace, is to scream at the top of your lungs for the politicians and newsmen to fucking go to hell, until they actually do.~
Dear government, and megacorps: Winning is not taking rights away with legislation or getting the contract for weapons to be used at Armageddon. These things are mutually assured destruction.~
When people say not to worry about things, “They will get better,” I think they must mean that the things that worry you will get better at doing that.~
Never take the last train from Clarksville. Its full of Monkeys.~
Theorist’s Conspiracy
Open the door to news of tragedy obscene. The lunacy involved, what can it mean?
Turn on the light and survey the crime scene – see Rats scurry trying not to be seen.
Catch one, make it come squeaky clean: Federal ties found amid many lies between.
Note all such oddities you might glean, contrary to the official story quite glassine.
Compare to what others have seen, conclude just what it really all does mean.
Forget now all you once had been, you’re now a conspiracy theorist, a sin.
In case you are wondering, yes, I used to do stage comedy in talent contests. Often got a first place. That was great; being the first person put on the bus out of town, I got to choose the best seat.~
Let me apologize in advance for insulting you. I’m not going to stick around in case you start swinging.~
The Federal Gov has gotten to be such a big asshole that it doesn’t even have to fart to stink up the whole country, but it does so continuously, anyway. If Hillary is elected, she plans on feeding it beens and drinking water from Mexico, giving new meaning to when the SHTF. I’m thinking Trump is the BEANO.~
A Noun is a word that has a ROCK solid object identity.
A Proper Noun tells the actual name or title, my dear SIR, or may I call you JOHN.
A Pronoun is an Avatar stand in for IT.
An Adjective tells you a IDENTIFIABLE personality.
A Verb is a word in MOTION.
An Adverb tells you its VERY measure.
A Preposition pre positions the Noun TO Verb relation.
A Conjunction forms a junction function between word thoughts, SO don’t get confused.
A Contraction is a contracted attraction giving traction to two words as one, a marriage licensed by apostrophication, or a foreshortening of a word as a slang thang for those who were THINK’N they HADN’T the time or space for two words.~
X
I had a Checklist but can’t use it as I haven’t written a check since Debit Cards came out.
I had a folding Map but I can’t follow it because there is no place in my car’s dash to plug it in.
I had a Plan but I can’t follow it because the steps don’t appear on the Dance Dance Revolution pad.
I had a contract but I don’t abide by it because I already held both the first and second Parties. Sorry I didn’t invite you.
I had a Letter but Sesame Street is now on a channel I don’t get.
I had an envelope but didn’t give a lick.
I had a Folder but since I no longer need the checklist, plan, contract, letter, or envelope, I threw it away, too.~
X
A Conservative Politician in Office is conservative in measuring out his power to avoid angering the voter; he fears the people, where a Liberal believes that governmental power is end all-do all, and they use/abuse their power to manipulate the people by fear of government.
A Conservative Government heeds its own laws by conservative judgment, where a Liberal tends to apply grains of salt, rationalize, and bend slightly, each time taking more liberal advantage until it is in time fully lawless.
A Conservative Government writes Laws which are conservative in principles within the limitations of its Charter (The Constitution, Bill of Rights), where a Liberal (by the above means) takes liberties in lawmaking which take liberty out of the Law; they become increasingly unconstitutional and negate the Bill of Rights.
A Conservative Policy must always fit the national interest in obedience to Sovereignty and which honors the Charter, where a Liberal is interested in reformation to a new model, almost always globalist in nature (i.e., favoring United Nations, One-World Government) and is willing to sacrifice the Charter and Sovereignty for that agenda.
A Conservative Politician thinks in terms of limitations per the above, which allows personal and corporate governance to be at ‘”Liberty” to flourish and pursue happiness and wellbeing, trusting the people to seek what they will for their own good, where a Liberal thinks in terms of socialistic Agenda which stifle or suppress these things ‘for the good of the people, of whom they think cannot be trusted.’
A conservative understands that to become elected or to move legislation, there must be an accommodating compromise between the ideal and the attainable, where a Liberal will promise anything to get what they really want, or take any drastic measure to get what they want, even if it means legislation which cannot possibly achieve the stated purpose, and especially if it serves some unstated agenda per the above.~
Panic is in abundance, as is a loose tongue, when the SHTF. Calm reason and restraint is called for. Take a deep breath, grab a cold beer and reflect before commenting. But if the bullets are flying around you, SHOOT BACK AND SAVE THE DIALOG FOR LATER. That’s when you will really need that beer.~
Why do they call them a POEM when no other word quite right rhymes with poem?
Why do they call them a JOKE when the point is a hard straight poke?
Why do they call them a SONG when it’s really a sing?
Why do they call them a RIDDLE when the answer is a clue in the middle?
Why do they call them a SPEECH when it gives you the claps or makes you boo who?
Why do they call them a REport, REmark or REply when it’s actually the first time?
Why do they call them a QUESTion when instead of taking the path to the answer on your own,
you leave it to another to do?
Why do they call them a PARagraph when there’s really only one?
Why do they call them a SENTENCE
when they rarely involve a judge?
Why do they call them a STORY when they don’t have walls, cielings, or floors?
Why do they call this a POST… oh, wait, I know: because that’s what it’s as dumb as.~
X
Why is it that you can talk to ten strangers and 7 or more of them will believe or agree like minded if you tell them…
About a UFO you’ve seen…
About 911 as an inside job…
About Global Warming as a sham…
About CIA and the mob killing JFK…
About chemtrails vs. contrails…
About a Bilderberger NWO/Illuminati conspirators…
About mind control, gang stalking, Voice-2-Skull…
But when you talk to ten lawmakers, law keepers, medicals, or reporters about any of that… You are suddenly crazy to the point of risking forced evaluation?
Because the System and its professional armies are taught not to believe in the boogyman (who arranged for their lessons).~
The addage “Follow your dreams…” with respect to career can end terribly, UNLESS you take the RIGHT path:
1 toe in the water as a hobby… Insures you really do like it and have basic skills required.
2 build a boat taking courses in the trade, even if mail order or online. This will confirm
if you have actual talent. If not, start over w next best passion.
3 float the boat as intern. This will educate you as to the harsh realities and negatives of the
trade. Lets you confirm you like it, and regardless, gives a leg up on others for getting the job.
4 if you get this far, set sail as employee, setting aside savings. You WILL do well if you are ‘all in,’
what some call the ‘work ethic,’ which is simply doing your best.
5 with savings, buy a yacht by starting your own firm. That will plot a course to your dreams.
More: at all levels, start a small home-based business for both the experience, income, and tax benefits. This allows you to build resources (eg, instruments for a musician) less expensively and helps build your resume, client base, networking resources. I have NEVER not operated my own business since entering high school, and most related in their start to my first entry into a given field of work, at the hobby stage. I have therefore mastered and become successful in many fields and industry sectors, and despite having only a high school education, I’ve been granted four experiential degrees for the purpose of teaching at college level.~
My Mom always told me not to play in the street. She was right. The freeways are much more fun – if you are agile and don’t mind the blaring horns and screeching tires…~
What did the politician say to the activist? Nothing. He doesn’t pay attention to those voters, either.~
You are free to disagree with me as long as you understand I am never wrong and never make a mitsak ni anteing I sae.~
Modern Debate
What I believe is true. If you disagree, screw you.
I know I’ m right, I do. I’m clearly smarter than you.
Don’t you dare try to argue – untill your face turns blue:
What I believe is due – to claims I find undeniably true.
Your facts will not do, they confuse what I know is true.
Such reality I pooh pooh, my mind made up for me, you
see; I won’t listen to you. What’s that you ask askew?
No, I no not just who said, but some kind of Web guru.
Its not important just who. But I know it surly wasn’t you.
What I believe is true. If you don’t agree, boo hoo to you.
Truth’s what I want it to be, no matter what you say or do.
A Democrat Congressman and a Republican Senator walked into a bar… Wait! That’s already as big a joke as can be…~
Notice: please note… In case you haven’t noticed before. Have you ever noticed there is hardly ever been and important notice delivered or posted such that you actually noticed? Nah, I bet you didn’t even notice any such post. I hereby give notice that, if you noticed this post, or not, this notice is not such a notice, but merely a post giving note to such.~
Dos You Got Down Wid Wad I Be Say’n Bout Dis and Dat, Bro?
Dis, Dat, and Dos, as ‘hip’ as they could be, went into a bar to get a drink. Dos bought the 1st round of beers. Once served, Dat said “Dis be good ‘n stuff.”
Dis replied “I try to be good like dat, you know? Mama sez to.”
Dat saw Dis was confused, “Thank yo for the compliment, Dis, but dat not wad I meant. We all be drink’n da same brew and dat be good’n stuff.”
Dis and Dat seemed confused. “Look, Man, dis is on tap’n we don’t be know’n wad it be,” he clarified.
Dis choked on a swig. “What yo say, bro? No one be tap’n on me, so natch, I dont know wad it be.”
“No, Man,” Dat tried to explain further, “Dis beer be tap beer. It be good, but ah dont know wad it be.”
Dis, at least, finally understood. “I got yo drift, now, Man. But I heard dos tap beers were cheap’n stuff. You know, po shit wid no taste. So wad dis be?”
Now Dos complained. “Wad yo mean… yo be sayin I bought cheep beers?”
And now, Dis was confused, once more, too. “I be just fine, bro. Why yo ask wad I be?”
At this point, the bartender happened by. “Hey, Man,” accosted Dat. “We be wond’rn… Wad be dis here beer?”
“Dat be Dos,” he replied simply. “Dat be good, n stuff.”
Dat seemed upset, now. “Look, man, we been all through Dis be’n good, n stuff. But if yo be say,n I sho nuff should be like Dos… dat Dos be gooder,n me, I take ‘ception to dat. Yo don’t know Dat, and yo sho as Hell dont know me.”
Now Dos was miffed. “Hang on a sec, man,” he said to Dat, “yo sayin yo better’n me?”
Well, things went down hill from there and it looked like a fight was about to break out, when the bartender tried to calm them with clarification. “Dis be rediculous!” he started.
But Dis did’t give him a chance to finish, and knocked him on his ass! “Ha!” he exclaimed. “Yo dumb ass be’n on da flo wid yo dumb fat mouth bleed’n wad be rediculous.”
This unexpected event had disrupted the conflict between Dos and Dat long enough that they had calmed down. Dis suggested they leave, and all agreeing, they stormed out in a huff.
As they exited, Dis noted “We stiil dont know wad dat beer be. I sho nuff wish I knew.” The others agreed, none of them noticing the neon sign in the window reading “Dos XX on tap.”~
X
If Trump is such a chump we’ rather dump, and Uncle Bernie is ample wormy and too squirmy, and Hillary far too shrillery under FBI drillery, then does that mean Biden is bid’n his tim’n in decid’n if rid’n White Knight style last minute to the Demo’s how we’ll be decid’n who’s presidential presid’n?~
What happens when a Socialist politician, an establishment Democrat, a non establishment Republican and an establishment Republican go into a Bar and call for a round on them, each? The price of drinks goes up, the waitresses worry about deportation, the bartender adds water to the drinks, the bouncer calls a reporter, and the Janitor worries about having to clean up all the bullshit that’s about to be spread. And, the patrons realize the hangover isn’t going to be worth it, and they leave.~
Fractured Isms.
Ferris Beuller (Matthew Broderick) had it right. “A person should not believe in an “ism“, he should believe in himself.” In other words, don’t be a follower of someones ideas. If you want to make a change for the better, YOU are what you’ve been waiting for.
Here are some (twisted) examples of perhaps why isms can be problematic…
Capitalism: You have two cows. Sell one and buy a bull to start a cow factory. Worship in any church you want as long as you tithe a portion of your stock options. John Lennon is a famous millionaire singer invited to sit on your Board of Directors. Apple Computer stock looks attractive, so you merge to form Cowpile Computer.
Socialism: You have two cows. Give one cow to the government to slaughter and share with the poor. You worship in any church which is left or right of center. John Lennon is a folk singer of meaningful Marxist ballads. Apple Computer is bailed out by Congress whenever its stock falls below that of Microsoft.
Communism: You had two cows, but now the State has them, and may or may not give you some milk – if you are willing to stand in a long line. You do not go to church except to attend Party meetings. John Lennon is a decadent influence on youth. Apple Computer never was, because they refused to allow government to take more than one bite of it as it would ruin the logo.
Fascism: You had two cows but the government forced you to sell them to corporations for beans (magic or otherwise) who in turn sells the dairy and beef products back to you for huge profits. You go to the same church as the fearless leader, or you don’t go at all. John Lennon sounds like he was related to a Marxist and so he was shot. Apple Computer was burned to the ground in order to blame Compaqism and sweep Bill Gates into power.
Nazism: You had two cows but the government arrested you for hording and took them. You and your religious fanatic family are burned alive in your church for refusing to Sig Heil. John Lennon was in there with you, singing Give Peace a Chance. Apple Computer users are arrested and sent to camps for daring to ‘Think Different.’
Anarchism: You have two cows running down the freeway causing car wrecks. Shoot the tax collector, steal his money, and rape his dog (unless a hunting dog – but since it is a government dog, we know that dog don’t hunt.) You blow up the church. John Lennon sings Revolution. Macintosh Computers have a high repair rate from all the bullet holes.
Constitutionalism: You have two cows and the government cannot unreasonably search or seize them without a warrant, or prevent them from mooing, or prevent you from owning them and forming a militia of fellow cow owners who meet weekends and practice milking with dummy targets. You can’t figure out which of the thousands of churches to attend. Neither can John Lennon, so he writes Imagine. Steve Jobs was a Founding Father who wrote the ‘Consitution for the rest of us.’
Patriotism: You have two cows painted red, white, and blue. Your church supports the current war. John Lennon is boycotted, and so he has a sleep in. Apple is not sold to anyone unwilling to pledge allegiance to Microsoft products.
Militarism: You have two cows which you have convinced each that the other is seeking to invade their own private pasture. You sell arms to both sides. Your church owns stock in your company. John Lennon had his visa revoked because he was a pacifist who smoked pot. Apple Computer is what makes smart bombs smart.
Pacifism: You have two contented cows which give canned milk. Your body is your temple (and you are what you eat.) The government is headed by John Lennon. Apple Computer listens to its customer complaints.
Fatalism: Your cows died after you stopped feeding them because you figured they would just die, anyway. It was the same reasoning by which you determined God is dead. You never heard of John Lennon. Apple System error messages all start with ‘You should have known better than to think this wasn’t going to happen…’
Surrealism: You have a pasture full of Dell Computers searching the Web for the best price on a Macintosh. The government worships you. There is no John Lennon, because he would have made sense, so he instead turns out to actually be Ringo Star, who never quite did.
Bushisms: Is your cows in my Big Mac? I’m a God fearing man on Sundays. Which one is Lennon, and which one is Lennin? I will not have one of those damned Macs on my desk. Jobs didn’t contribute one cent to my election fund!
Clintonisms: Wow, look at those udders! I’m a God fearing man on Sundays. I liked John Lennon. We had a lot in common. In fact, I inhaled once, myself. I don’t know about granting Apple a GSA contract… they didn’t contribute to my election fund.
Obamaisms: Your cows are being detained indefinitely to combat terrorism. I’m a God fearing man on Sundays, unless I’m playing Golf. I liked John Lennon. I had FBI sue Apple Computer, who wouldn’t let me spy on iPhones, and didn’t contribute to my election fund.
Note: If you like the isms, they were lifted from a page full of additional jokes of greater complexity than the bulk of material in this post. Find them here: To Laugh in the Face of the NWO is the Best Form of Contempt.
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