I’ve Defrauded and Deluded Myself, I Am Not Me, But I AM

We go through life thinking we know who we are and why we do what we do, but like Actors who start believing they are the sum of their Press Clippings and the heroic characters they play, we are frauds. It took a simple but powerful video to teach me the truth, something I once knew, but lost sight of.

I once was lost, but now am found.

by H. Michael Sweeney

copyright © 2013, all rights reserved. Permission to repost hereby granted provided entire post with all links in tact, including this paragraph, are included.

What you will learn reading this post…

• I’m a fool, and have been offering knowledge as if expert and wise, when in fact, I fall short;
• While my advice and opinions are based on truth and logic, I should have offered a better, more useful message;
• That message does not betray my beliefs and life experiences, but instead, explains them, and gives them meaning;
• That it should be the same for you as it was for me, if you will but open your heart and consider it;

Whre can I get help when no one believes my story?

A note of apology: a technical glitch with wordpress refuses to let me format the document correctly, making it a little difficult to separate paragraphs. No matter what I do, it displays as intended in preview mode, but not in actual URL access. I regret any inconvenience.

Introspection: the most valuable tool an investigative author could possibly have (examine yourself, first). From heartofaleaer blog (click)

I’m talking about me, H. Michael Sweeney, aka the Professional Paranoid, activist author, and consultant on privacy/security, and abuse of power topics. People come to me for help all the time, and I’ve started to believe in the value of my advice as much as they hope it to be of value in their desperation. Well, my advice may be good some of the time (more often than not, I have always thought, based on feedback), but even so, I’ve not quite been offering the best advice, in the best possible way.

This self examination also translates to my abuse of power issues of which I so frequently write, as everything I tend to blog about is so much in parallel to the basic aspects of things now clearly revealed to me because of simple but powerful video, that I’m hoping those who read my blog posts as activists, will see that parallel as well. It’s not just about me, its about everything in the World and how we deal with it. Let me explain by first going back in time. Some of you who have read my material before may know some of this, but as Paul Harvey used to say, its time “For the rest of the story…”

I doubt you’ve ever had to go up against dirty cops, bounty hunters, and CIA/FBI types, some of whom wanted to kill you (e.g., gun in folded newspaper, sniper’s nest carved out of branches high in a hillside tree outside your bedroom window through which came a targeting laser at night, being chased by up to eight cars in a high speed chases). This is the kind of high adventure we all enjoy seeing in action movies and television, but its an entirely different perspective when you are the hopeful hero, and your opponents are not acting under legal authority, and there is no acting, but actual intent to harm.

I’m rather certain that you, as lone individual, could not well square off against an enemy that has dozens of players to help them, such that their war against you as their target unfolds 24/7, but you are only able to devote but a few hours of tactics each day. More so the problem when they have an unlimited budget and the best technical toys money can buy — and you have only what you own around the home, and a modest income and savings, which they also target and erode.

I doubt you have ever had to come home to find men with walkie-talkies fleeing your house, or find it had been broken into and every computer and every disk in the house upon which could be stored data, even those secreted away in storage areas, had been stolen — or discover that the neighbor across the street, a Forward Marine Observer retired for wounds acquired in service in Iraq, upon returning home across the street with his Mother… was, as casually and (unwisely) revealed in bragging by his Mother, approached by CIA Agents who asked him to work for them… and later, learning from a professional investigator retired from the State Police in another state that Infrared Night Goggle vision surveillance of your home was being conducted from that neighbor’s home, and further confirmed that all phones in your home and select other devices were ‘bugged’.

I doubt you’ve had your mail regularly pilfered, learning time and again that people trying to reach your home-based business had sent you mail you never received, some of it being orders for product, and like interference of inbound telephone calls where your phone is never answered, when at your end, it never rang at all, or that harassment telephone calls to family at all hours, and other calls known to be from your opponents — magically did not appear on telephone company call records. I doubt you’ve ever had the Consulate in another country literally beg you to provide them with copies of your business Newsletter to distribute to potential clients, only to then have the U.S. State Department suddenly, out of the blue, declare your Newsletter ‘Illegal’ under the laws in that country, but refusing to cite the law, or answer further questions.

I doubt you’ve had to suffer nightly assaults on your home, attempted break ins within moments of retiring for the night… night after night. Or, upon calling the Police, have them ignore evidence offered of the break in, ignore the fact that your spouse agreed with your descriptions of events, and instead elected in their Police Report to say only things which made the whole affair seem imagined, implying you a Paranoidal Schizophrenic, even suggesting County Mental Health should be contacted.

Imagine how you would feel, realizing it odd that this Officer responded within mere seconds of dialing 9-11, and later, would try to kill you. Such events, for me, were one reason I based the title theme of my first book upon the topic of Paranoia; for I quickly learned that someone who reports such things is quickly labeled paranoid, because no one wants to believe in the Boogyman, least of all people who are part of the System from within which he seems to come.

Ergo, there was no one to turn to for help. No authorities would listen. Even friends and relatives find such stories hard to believe, and tend turn away with denial of any truly useful help. And yet help came.

And even when it was clearly the help of other Men, it was also clear their help originated from God, typically quite unexpected and coincidental, or a highly unlikely source, such as a total stranger offering $250 and saying, “Something tells me you need this more than I do,” at a time when I was trying to find a way to afford a high quality audio tape recording system as defensive tool. And when things seemed bleakest, an old competitor in a prior business called me up  after ten years of no contact, and offered me a significant position in a new business enterprise, one which would lead to more such helps in time, and become a safe haven of sorts.

I lived such a life for nearly five years, and in almost EVERY battle, enjoyed victory, or was at least protected from more serious losses than intended. The James Bondian nightmare was at long last ended by literally discovering the truth about why I was targeted. I had, it seems, accidentally learned of illegal crimes which they feared I might expose. They wanted to know what I really knew, who else knew, and who was ‘helping me’ to best them, that they might destroy us all and be safe. But there were none others, not any they could find or believe existent.

They could not believe me acting alone, because time and again I detected those who covertly worked against me and exposed them such that they were embarrassed to their superiors, and set aside for someone I could not recognize on sight, next time. I eventually identified every player, where they lived and worked, and discovered the truth of their varied criminal enterprises, and those dark things they were hoping to protect by targeting me. In short, they themsleves led me to understand the very thing they feared: knowledge of their sins.

Phone numbers, license plates, public and, in some cases, private records, etc., were gained on key persons and firms not just locally, but nationally, all the way to Washington, D.C. and beyond. I even had covert White House, NSA, World Bank, and like phone numbers before it was said and done, and access to logbooks within Federal offices and even entire roll-a-dex and index card systems from the desk of one of my main opponent’s managers. And I never had to violate a law to do it. God was my key to their secretive locks.

I even managed frequent access to their innermost places without detection. I laugh, recalling walking into one of their covert offices, and the man seated there, a recognized opponent, falling out of his chair to the floor in surprise! In another example, a truly high-security area was discovered in a way that caused three people encountered there to scurry from my eyesight like cockroaches, placing folders to their faces, doing about faces, closing doors, and so forth. Evil cannot hide its face quickly enough, it seems.

I think their disbelief was largely because they also did not believe in God. Why I so believe is the where we are headed in the telling.

In the end, I won the war, thought the net cost to me was personally quite high. Forced into bankruptcy, forced to sell our wonderful hillside dream home, loss of the very computers used in my work and an insurance claim thwarted by enemy tactics so they could not be replaced, a foster daughter who asked to be taken out of our home because she did not feel safe, and in time, severe blows to the bonds between other family members. I rank my financial loss at about a quarter million, but it appears they spent that much to destroy me in a single month. Their money bought them little, diluted by God, as were their endless man-hours of effort against me.

It’s absolutely true. In the end, I indeed did win, but not of my own cleverness or determination. I had reluctantly entered into that battle with no special skills or training of their caliber, and throughout the battle had no weapons as they might count weapons. Yet from the very first day of their presence in my life, almost every skirmish of true importance would be mine. It was, at times, turning out to be such a comedy of errors to my favor, that it literally became fun to do battle.

All this I did, and yet, not I. There was indeed another.

You see, my chief weapons were mere words, and a belief in Good over Evil. The words were the Word of God, and were the heart and meat of Good, as well as other core beliefs, and an abiding Faith. I was only a few years earlier caught up in a cult, and knew not what I believed, and understood not the truth of God and Man, and Satan’s role in my life. And yet I was saved, and I grew daily in the Word such that the Truth was at last mine, and I was set FREE! So free, in fact, that NO MAN, no matter their abilities and resources, could truly harm me without God’s permission. That belief was my armor against all-powerful opponents and impossible odds of survival.

It was proven almost daily each and every year of battle. Also provided for during the darkest of financial threats fostered by my enemy, was our daily bread. A source of income sufficient, sometimes even exactly equal to the cost of minimal foodstuffs required for the day — would become available that day, or the day before — or at other times, it might be on a weekly or other basis. Other magical moments also addressed such needs in ways not involving money, at all. We lived by Matthew 6:25-27, alone for long periods of time.

That’s all behind me now by more than a decade, and though I have written seven books which generally assault the face of my old enemy and his newer counterparts, those responsible for dark bumps in the night of recent American history, my opponents largely leave me alone, now. The worst I’ve gotten is hate mail from a sitting President for exposing ties to CIA for both him and his wife. I’m still protected by what I learned, and they fear me, or more correctly, what I know and might reveal if harmed.

What a shame that any citizen of any land should need to blackmail their way to safety. But I traded one dark set of secrets which I keep safe, to keep me and family safe, and to allow me to now speak openly of other things without reprisal. It became the basis of a new livelihood as activist author, lecturer, and consultant on privacy and security, and abuse of power. It redefined me and gave me new purpose, to help others who have been called ‘paranoid,’ but who are not, people who can get help no where else.

What can we learn by humbling ourselves?

The Revelation

And so, in sensing a kind of invulnerability, I find myself becoming, like many Hollywood actors, a little bit too self assured. Like them, I now realize, I’ve started to believe my own public image; a false perception. I am not the hero of my life people presume by the outcome of exploits, and certainly not the Knight who comes to save them from Men in Black or other dark threats.

I am nothing without God, can do nothing without Him. Oh, sure, I give little credits to Faith and quotes of scripture when I hand out advice and recount my victories, but in my innermost view of self, I’ve wandered from full reliance upon the true power of the Word, and become conceited as if I really were a mighty warrior, wisened and ever alert, that person my enemies imagined me to be.

I had fallen back asleep, succumbed by the misty aura of public attention and pleas for help, a kind of sad fan mail. I have become pretender, forgetful of things learned of great value.

Today, however, one of the ‘sheep’ who comes to me seeking help reminded me of one of my own slogans, something I used to employ when I was an instructor. I used to say, that one reason I liked to teach was, that no matter how much one knew as a teacher, and how little a student might know, if the teacher did their job right, both would learn something from one another. This young woman, now experiencing targeting somewhat like my own, in seeking me out from afar to ask advice, helped knock me off my pedestal of self promotion, and bring me back to Earth in a grounded way. She reawakened me, and taught me that which I had forgotten.

She sent me a simple but very powerful video, thinking I would like it because, as I tell all my clients, you must “Put on the Armor of God,” to be victorious against evil; Ephesians 6:10-18.

Well, I must tell you I was completely unprepared, and the video was indeed irresistible, and it was VERY powerful. Though I was pressed for time, I took the time, and watched it not once, but three times. Every time I got to the part which actually involved Putting on the Armor of God, I broke into tears. Even so now just writing of it, this very moment, my eyes water in remembrance.

You see, in the video, the truth was graphically shown. It was not ME… IT NEVER WAS. It could not possibly be me, nor even YOU, no matter your true strength or resources… IT CAN NEVER BE.

WE do not put on the Armor of God, or do any of the things we think we do in Christ’s name. Nor, for the matter, can we do anything to be saved in the first place. It is HE who does the work. He calls us to salvation. He works in our hearts to draw us unto him, and redemption. He then arms us with what we need to do battle. The only thing he asks us to do, is to be willing to do battle, a willingness born of belief in Him and his Word, and out of love for Him and his Word.

He asks only that we allow him to enter into us to be our inner strength of body and mind, and to cloth us with his white raiments that we are Justifed and pure, enfolded in his Grace, the impenetrable and almighty Armor of God. His Holy Spirit fills us, and thus filled, our sinful nature yields, and is fled.

But as I have learned from my young friend and her thoughtfully provided video. We slip. We forget. We build up the sinful Man yet again, and again, bits at a time, and even in leaps and bounds. But the beauty of God’s Armor is that it is not tarnished, but renewed and polished. All it takes for this renewal is to once more acknowledge the Word, and truly contemplate it, embrace it, believe it, and most of all, LIVE IT, once more.

Forgive the length of this missive. A writer cannot stop typing so easily as to simply say, ‘Please watch this video.’ I’m going to watch it every morning for a week, and I’m betting I will have one of the best weeks of my life doing so. Join me, please, and remember from whence life and Free Will comes. Why would we ever choose to live a life without acknowledging and honoring the source of it?

Know also, if you click the Youtube user’s link you will find more videos of such quality and Meat as this, from someone previously unknown to me, the Ellerslie Mission Society  who has a Website where the same videos, and more such bounty is found.

Pleas consider to share, reblog, etc. It is more important and valuable than any other helps or advice I’ve ever given elsewhere in my books, Web offerings, radio interviews, and consultancy, etc.

For I am not that I think I am; I become what truly I AM when the Holy Spirit works through me.

I AM, for those who don’t quite get my drift, is the actual name of God given to Moses. You can do nothing except by IAM, because every small thing you do is, in your mind, preceded with the thought… “I am going to change the channel… get a drink of water… go to bed, etc.”  Acts born of evil temptation, on the other hand, start with conclusive edicts “Grab it while no one is looking… kill him… make up a lie, etc.”

But these are mere suggestions introduced by Satan, and have no power at all except by the individual’s own Free Will, which is also God’s gift to use. That’s what it means when you forecast an act; “I will call you tomorrow,” is you stating you Will it should be so, doing so FREELY. Why would we ever choose to use it for anything but right-use-ness?

I will be better in serving you in future blogs, more mindful of who I AM, really. Our battles with the New World Order as a group, We the People, and micro battles between targeted individuals with Men in Black… these are no different than Christ vs. Satan on the Day of Armedgeddon, or lesser battles, such as a small boy tempted to steal a piece of candy. In all such cases, if those on the side of Good fight wearing the Armor of God, they will prevail. We do ourselves and our cause disservice when we forget that point and fight purely with our own strength in bitterness.

Forgive my bitterness. It was born of forgetfulness.