Top 10 Reasons to Order Your Mass Murder Kit, Today
The Acme, Inc. Mass Murder Kit: Your ticket to a better tomorrow
a Farce in parallel to the Real World by H. Michael Sweeney.
There is only one link on this post. It goes straight to the heart of topic as proof of the farce we call ‘Terrorism.’
Acme Inc, a Subsidiary of New World Order, Ltd., and in partnership globally with numerous firms such as Central Intelligence, the Insurance and Logistics Agency, are now offering an easy-to-use Kit for mass murder. Now, with very little in the way of cost or obligation, almost anyone can become a mass murderer for fun and profit in support of their favorite cause. Financing and other aids available. When you order our kit, you will enjoy all the benefits with very little risk, since the purchaser will be fully protected from any downside!
• It’s Fun! After all, we all like to watch people fall down. Imagine how much fun it will be knowing it’s their last time!
• It’s Profitable! Your minimal investment in travel costs to meet covertly with our friendly yet paranoid sales staff will be handsomely rewarded with huge sums of money from sources like the World Bank, the IMF, and off-the-book black budgets. Why just one Middle East Client alone enjoyed two $500M payments, one just before, and one just after Sept. 11, 2001. And, he didn’t even order our best kit! His testimony follows.
• Full Confidentiality! Your agreement with us will enjoy National Security-level secrecy so that your identity and details of our contract will never be disclosed without your permission. We won’t even answer to Congressional Investigations! And just as importantly, our employees would rather die than betray your confidences. In fact, many have already met with ‘accidents’ to avoid such concerns!
• Free Publicity for your cause! Remember, there’s no such thing as bad publicity, and you will get plenty of it, to be sure. Even the smallest of test uses of one of our kits will reap huge headlines, because we have thousands of people we call Mockingbirds, who are positioned in Media so you feel like you have your own private Public Relations firm!
• Make New Friends! We can discretely arrange introductions to powerful and influential contacts like Bonesmen, Bilderbergers, Bankers (The Three B’s), and other Terrorists and Arms Dealers, and lots of individuals just as useful. They will love you and your work, too, as your power and influence grows with theirs in symbiotic relationships we help establish! Remember our motto: Globalism needs Terrorism to foment Patriotism to allow growth of Capitalism in order to drive Globalism.
• More Say with your Followers! Use our kit and, if deciding to ‘go public’ about aiding your cause, we guarantee your followers will not only look up to you in admiration and heed your words, but will grow in number as your popularity increases in leaps and bounds. In fact, if you do it right, you can become as powerful as any one of your peers… except the Pope and the Man Behind the Curtain. Naturally, we wouldn’t want to upstage the popular Antichrist or the real one, either.
• Culturally Enriching! The more you use the kit, the more you cause fruitful culture growth and evolution. Why just look at the changes in the societies of America and the World in the wake of Sept. 11. Imagine being able look into a mirror and to say with pride, “I did that!”
• Supports Green Policies! Improved sustainability and reduction of pollution caused by overcrowded population is achieved with each use of the kit. Depending on which kit you order, the aftermath may create large tracts of uninhabitable land which will be returned to Mother Nature for perhaps a hundred years.
• Many Models to Choose From! We offer all manner of kits so that there will be one just perfect for your needs. Our most popular and easiest to use is the Pyrotechnic Kit with a broad range of delivery options (e.g., plane, truck, covert placement); our flashiest and most exciting Kit is the new Atomics Kit, which includes free sunglasses and lead-lined gloves; but we also offer our new and most ambitious line of kits ever, the Bio Series, of which there are three to choose from. We have the standard model which impacts targets without recourse but fades out of its own volition with time and distance; the deluxe Race-Specific Pathogen model which targets only select ethnic populations with zero recourse; and the economy Viral model, which impacts everyone equally, but which can sometimes eventually be redoubted with vaccinations. Something for every need!
• Spiritually Uplifting! We know you, like us, are basically good Devil fearing Satan worshipers at heart, regardless of any requirement to profess otherwise. Certainly in spirit if not fact. Just know that each use of the kit is a kind of ceremonial event (a ‘sacrifice’) that not only fulfills prophesy, but brings the Antichrist one step closer to seating! After all, just like him, we all want to destroy all creation and life, even our own! We can help with that final, last step too, of course.
An Unsolicited Testimonial:
Hello terrorist posers! Get with the program at Acme and get serious! My name is Osama. You don’t need to know my last name in this public venue, do you? Ha, ha, ha… we all know who we are, don’t we? I want to tell you these guys at Acme know their stuff. I was not much more than a hired thug shooting at Soviets in Afghanistan for target practice when they approached me. Cost me nada to get started.
They provided everything, gave me the Royal treatment (Saudi Royal treatment), even better service than Acme’s most famous early customer, W. Coyote. But hey, that hairy looking Dude was narrow sighted and set small goals, not at all like you or me. Besides, his biggest problem was he didn’t realize ‘speed kills.’ Not Acme’s fault he failed time and again. I assure you, not that way for me!
I got a personal representative named Amriki from one of the Logistics partners called U.S. Army, and he handled the whole thing. He got me set up with followers, arranged for publicity by blowing up some American surplus war ship and some third-world (disposable) Embassies, and some parked cars in the basement of the World Trade Center. It all worked out so well we eventually decided to have a big wedding in New York! You probably saw it on TV. It was highly publicized and used a lot of remotely flown airplanes and stuff like that. I didn’t say that. Big oops. Ignore building 7, too, please. Really.
But the service did not stop there. No. When the publicity got so great that I could hardly stand it any more (my health was not very good, mind you), I took a long vacation and they ran the whole thing for me in my absence. Pina Coladas every night! And when I got tired and no longer wanted to be involved at all, and I realized I couldn’t possibly top myself anyway, they arranged for my terminating the contract (and everything else, really). I went out with such style that lots of people, even those in America who hated me, couldn’t believe it, and some even felt sorry for me and wanted a better funeral service for me than the bitter-sweet burial at sea we asked for.
I love these guys. You will too!
Posted on July 11, 2012, in Abuse of Power, Conspiracy, Crime, Entertainment, History, News Events, Political Commentary and tagged CIA, farce, funny, Osama, Terrorism. Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.